| Friday, June 8, 2007 |
| Hilton out of prison for medical reasons |
 HOUSE ARREST: Paris Hilton will have to wear an electronic monitoring device on her ankle to ensure she does not go out for the next 40 days
LOS ANGELES: Paris Hilton was released from prison on Thursday for medical reasons after serving just over three days of a 23-day sentence, but she will be confined to her home for 40 days, officials said.
Steve Whitmore of the Los Angeles County Sheriff's office said Hilton had been “reassigned” but he declined to identify her medical condition for privacy reasons. “With extensive consultation with medical personnel, it was decided this reassignment should be done,” Whitmore said at a news conference.
She will have to wear an electronic monitoring device on her ankle to ensure she does not go out for the next 40 days. One reporter described Hilton's job as going to parties and events and asked if she would be allowed to leave her home for work, just as lifestyle media star Martha Stewart could during her five months under house arrest for insider trading.
"My understanding is that she's confined to her home with an ankle bracelet, she cannot leave that facility," said Whitmore |
posted by Rusted Man @ 4:18 AM  |
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| Thursday, June 7, 2007 |
| Nude Amanda Beard on Cover of Playboy |
Kristine Lefebvre is so last month.
That beautiful former contestant on The Apprentice made quite the naked splash last month when she appeared on the cover of Playboy, but Hugh Hefner may have outdone himself with the following selection.
In the issue that hits newsstands on June 8, Amanda Beard gets nude.
Sports fans - along with men with a pulse - have been waiting for this moment since Beard won her first Olymic Gold Medal at age 14. Sorry, we know that makes Hayden Panettiere seem like a senior citizen, but Amanda is 23 now. And hotter than ever.
We may not even have use for Holly Madison nude after this pictorial comes out. It gives breaststroke a whole new meaning. |
| posted by Rusted Man @ 11:35 PM |
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| Paris Hilton Released from Prison |
Hey, Nicole Richie, don’t be afraid of jail.
All you need to do is whine as much as your reality show cohort Paris Hilton and you’ll be set free. It’s as simple as 1-2-woe-is-me.
In a pathetic display of giving in to the rich and spoiled, the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department has released Paris from jail after a whole three days behind bars. Spokesperson Steve Whitmore claimed Hilton was released due to medical reasons he cannot disclose.
Funny. We didn’t know “money” was deemed a “medical reason.” We also didn’t know Victoria Beckham could be named Woman of the Year. Guess nothing should come as a surprise at this point.
Hilton has been fitted for an ankle bracelet and placed under house arrest in her West Hollywood home for 40 days. After this time is up, Whitmore says she will have “fulfilled her debt to society.”
The Hollywood Gossip doesn’t think this is possible until she drowns in a pool of raw sewage, however. Either that, or she’s forced to stand in front of an onslaught of Blake Fielder-Civil snot rockets for the duration of her house arrest.
The justice system should be more ashamed of itself than Alex Rodriguez should be for cheating on his wife.
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| posted by Rusted Man @ 11:28 PM |
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| Victoria Beckham Somehow Named Woman of the Year |
For reasons unknown to our celebrity gossip staff, Victoria Beckham took home Woman of the Year crown at the Glamour Magazine awards last night.
The fact that there are Glamour Magazine awards, and that we are writing about them for a living, is almost funnier than Victoria Beckham winning one. Almost.
In taking home the hardware, she was dressed like a total harlot - a posh-tit-ute, if you will (and we will) - in what appears to be a tuxedo-auto racing chic outfit. So damn hot!
Alhough for former Spice Girl and future reality TV star was touted by the editor as “a role model” and “indicative of the modern woman,” as far as our staff can see it, Victoria Beckham’s only notable recent accomplishments appear to be:
- Constantly looking hungry
- Pouting like a stuck-up beeyotch
- Shopping with Katie Holmes
- Walking around like a robot
- Possessing enormous boobs
- Seeing David Beckham nude
- Hating The Hollywood Gossip
Role model indeed … for bitches, cyborgs and hoes, maybe! What. What!?
Other “glamorous” women honored at the event included Sienna Miller - who said she had too much wine to make a speech - and the “musical” group Girls Aloud (think Pussycat Dolls with British accents).
We’re guessing Katie Price, a.k.a. Jordan, wasn’t available.
The ceremony was somewhat redeemed by also giving awards to Angelina Jolie, Beyoncé and Helen Mirren - though none of them showed up to receive their awards. Maybe that explains Posh winning… someone’s gotta accept, right? |
| posted by Rusted Man @ 6:05 AM |
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| Celebrity Gossip Gone Wild: Britney Spears to Become American Idol Judge |
The day this actually takes place is the day men stop searching online for Holly Madison nude photos.
Nevertheless, it’s our job to report on any and all celebrity gossip rumors. So brace yourself for this breaking American Idol news:
According to the reputable source The National Enquirer, Paula Abdul may have a lot more to whine about in the near future: Britney Spears will be replacing her as a judge on the smash FOX reality show
Also being kicked to the curb in this scenario? Randy Jackson, everyone’s favorite dawg.
While this seems about as likely as Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag ever being friends again, here’s what The Enquirer story said:
A major house-cleaning triggered by sinking ratings means Randy Jackson’s out as a judge next season, Dawg… and so is ding-dong wack-a-doodle Paula Abdul!
“Ratings this year were the lowest in two years - one week, even House beat it,” said a show insider. “The belief is that things have gotten stale, and American Idol is now American Idle. They really want to mix things up, create a whole new set, institute format changes - and get rid of Paula and Randy, replacing them with younger faces.”
Warning: Put on your dark glasses before reading this blinding lash, Idol fans - at the top of Fox’s wish list is… Britney Spears!
Right. And next on the list is Antonella Barba. |
| posted by Rusted Man @ 5:47 AM |
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| Brooke Hogan Scares Audience, Mankind |
Pop quiz time, readers of Celebrity express. Which is scarier:
Brooke Hogan singing?
Or Brooke Hogan wearing chaps? Unfortunately for concert-goers below, they were faced with both these disasters. If you thought Kim Kardashian and her huge ass were frightening, well, you were right. But these pics are a close second
 Yikes.
Despite often wearing the same outfit as Hulk Hogan’s daughter, Audrina Patridge would most likely avoid this ugly western look. So would any celebrity with two working eyes.
We suppose fans in attendance should at least be thankful that Brooke didn’t go all Akon on them and body slam anybody to the ground. But it appears as though this behemoth could do so if she wanted to, doesn’t it?
In the end, we’d prefer to be Cynthia Rodriguez walking around Boston than anyone stuck listening to, and looking at, this train wreck.
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| posted by Rusted Man @ 4:03 AM |
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| Paris Hilton is Scared in Jail |
Paris Hilton’s pussy isn’t alone in feeling scared. Reportedly, its owner can now relate.
TMZ has multiple inside sources who have painted a bleak picture of Paris’ second day in the slammer. Simply put, they say the promiscuous lawbreaker is very afraid.
The celebrity Express sources say Hilton has been crying on the phone, whining about not sleeping or eating. Paris says her cell is “freezing cold.” She has three little blankets and no pillow. Moreover, the room is bright and jail noise echoes through her space.
Sleep isn’t the only problem. There is also no Stavros Niarchos to have sex with. Oh, and Paris says she has no appetite and has eaten almost nothing.
Somewhere - probably from underneath Joel Madden - close friend Nicole Richie is proud of this development.
TMZ also reports that inmates actually struck up a chant when Paris went back to her cell yesterday. As she walked by they struck up a chorus, “Paris! Paris! Paris!” We’re told she smiled and waved.
Some inmates have reportedly been coming up to her cell door, mostly to say hi.
One inmate said, “You don’t deserve to be here.” Another made an origami butterfly from a magazine page and slipped it under her door. Another slipped a drawing book under her door.
Shemar Moore can only hope fellow criminals are as nice to him if he’s sentenced to the slammer.
Meanwhile, Paris still has a full three weeks left on her prison stay. By the time she gets out, Esmee Denters may be a bigger name than she is. |
| posted by Rusted Man @ 2:46 AM |
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| Wednesday, June 6, 2007 |
| Kim Kardashian’s Enormous Booty Defies Comprehension |
[Below, an intern at The Hollywood Gossip prank calls Kim Kardashian]
*** ring …. ring … ring … ***
Kim Kardashian: “Hello?”
THG Intern: “Hi, may I please speak to Hugh?”
Kim Kardashian: [confused] “What? Hugh who?”
THG Intern: [high-fives editor] “Hugh Jass!”
Kim Kardashian: [slams phone in disgust]
You really don’t need a fake crank call or even a celebrity gossip blog to point out that Kim Kardashian has some of the most ridiculous, back-dat-ass-up booty in Hollywood.
But we’ll spell it out for you anyway.
Honestly, that thing needs its own air traffic control tower, because you could land helicopters on it. What the hell is going on back there? We know some guys like a li’l somethin’ to grab on to and all, but is this sex tape star’s butt even real?
Would Kim opt to go the route of Heidi Montag and get implants… only in the back instead of the front? Or has she just made too many trips to the In-n-Out Burger with Britney Spears?
It’s difficult to say.
There are only two men who can comment for sure on the state of that ass. Ray J, we’re waiting for your feedback. Call us, dog. Reggie Bush, holla at us. |
| posted by Rusted Man @ 1:46 AM |
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| Tuesday, June 5, 2007 |
| Warner Bros drops Paris Hilton |
LONDON: Celebrity socialite Paris Hilton has been dropped by her record label Warner Bros and the hotel heiress is shattered by the decision.
"We are not expecting any new Paris Hilton material in the foreseeable future," dailysnack.com quoted a Warner Bros' spokesperson as saying.
A source said: "It's fair to say she totally stiffed. Her worldwide sales were barely negligible and her efforts tanked big time."
Another source with the record company said: "Paris was sweet but she became more and more unreliable, which was a shame as the first song showed real promise."
"She started missing interviews and everyone lost patience. She claimed she'd been working on the album for years and was proud of it. But the sales just didn't add up and in the end it was an easy decision to make."
Hilton, 26, has been sentenced to a 23-day jail term for driving without a valid license earlier this year. |
| posted by Rusted Man @ 3:13 AM |
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| Angelina Jolie is Super Mommy |
Angelina Jolie holds daughter Zahara and Pax Thien Jolie-Pitt on the way to school in Prague. Papa Brad is currently filming in Canada. Spread the Word |
| posted by Rusted Man @ 2:42 AM |
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| Sunday, June 3, 2007 |
| Visiting Hours Are Open |
Lindsay Lohan almost has entire week "in" rehab under her belt (even tho she's spent almost as much time "out" of rehab) so I think we should commend her for sticking with the program as best as she can. As a reward, Linds was treated to a happy surprise on visiting day yesterday. Here are pictures of Lindsay not at Promises Rehab Facility (but running as fast as she can to get back there) earlier this week along with a couple pictures of her happily receiving her first visitor yesterday:
 I still question the decision for Lindsay to leave her treatment center to go out for coffee or to go to the gym but I suppose as long as she remains true to the nature of her treatment program than I suppose no harm is done. It's just that we've seen how unsuccessful an outpatient program can be for her and I'd just hate to see her waste this opportunity to get better. Lindsay looked absolutely thrilled to get a visit from one of her favorite bodyguards (seeing her this happy is a very good sign) ... tho, it's a bit surprising that no one from her family has deigned to show up yet. Ah well, as long as Lindsay takes things one day at a time I know she can be successful in her attempt to handle her addictions. [Source]
And for completeist's sake, here are a couple more Jill Stuart ads featuring Lindsay Lohan: |
| posted by Rusted Man @ 7:45 AM |
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